Confrontation

The Webster dictionary defines Confront as to face boldly, to oppose, to bring face to face. In leadership we will always have to deal with confronting and being confronted even though it can be challenging and often intimidating if we view it improperly and approach incorrectly. After well over 20 years of pastoral ministry I have seen things that have worked, things that haven’t and have made my share of mistakes when confronting other and when being confronted. In this chapter I am going to share some practical advice that you apply right away and refer back to when having to deal with confrontation.

Four Things to Remember About Confrontation:

1) Confrontation is Difficult

Anyone that does not find confronting to be difficult at times has serious emotional problems and needs therapy. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 1:23-2:4 in The Living Bible; I call upon this God to witness against me if I am not telling the absolute truth: the reason I haven't come to visit you yet is that I don't want to sadden you with a severe rebuke. When I come, although I can't do much to help your faith, for it is strong already, I want to be able to do something about your joy: I want to make you happy, not sad. "No," I said to myself, "I won't do it. I'll not make them unhappy with another painful visit." For if I make you sad, who is going to make me happy? You are the ones to do it, and how can you if I cause you pain? That is why I wrote as I did in my last letter, so that you will get things straightened out before I come. Then, when I do come, I will not be made sad by the very ones who ought to give me greatest joy. I felt sure that your happiness was so bound up in mine that you would not be happy either unless I came with joy. Oh, how I hated to write that letter! It almost broke my heart, and I tell you honestly that I cried over it. I didn't want to hurt you, but I had to show you how very much I loved you and cared about what was happening to you. We see from these verses that Paul like us battled and disliked confrontation.

Why is confronting so difficult?

• We have a fear of being disliked
• Fear of creating anger or making matters worse
• Fear of rejection.
• We often have the same problem we see in others.
• Not used to sharing our real feelings.
• Lack of confrontational skills.

2) Self-confrontation should precede confronting others.

Luke 6:41-43 says; Luke 6:41-42 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye but do not notice or consider the beam [of timber] that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, Brother, allow me to take out the speck that is in your eye, when you yourself do not see the beam that is in your own eye? You actor (pretender, hypocrite)! First take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye. AMP

Too often when we have not confronted issues in our own life we are more judgmental towards others to make ourselves look good. Condemning self or others will not change anyone. It takes a secure person to confront their own issues and not condemn themselves for it. Deal with your own stuff first.

3) Confrontation is unavoidable

As a leader we must understand that their will never be a time that there will be no confrontation, many times it will happen on a weekly basis. To often as leaders we think if we were at another church or ministry things would be different, we would be free from disagreements and confrontation. I learned the mistake of this mindset early on in ministry and have some to realize that wherever you go there will always be confrontation because people are people no matter where you are. Having to confront or be confronted is not a bad thing unless we make it so.

4) The more insecure a person is the more conflict they have

Insecure people will either avoid confrontation at all cost or they will live their life to set people straight. Either way this person is miserable and wants others to feel the same way. Jesus said love your neighbor as you do yourself, we have come to realize that this means I will love others the way I love myself. And I will only love myself when I realize I am loved by God without conditions. In dealing with an insecure person whether it is someone else or myself the insecurity cannot be changed outside of experiencing the love of God.

I’ll share more on this next week but until then remember that if your goal in confronting someone is to “straighten them out” and not restoration you should back until you have the proper attitude.