Inaction Regrets

In his book, If Only, psychologist Dr. Neil Roese makes a distinction between two different types of regret: regrets of action and regrets of inaction. A regret of action is doing something you wish you hadn’t done. A regret of inaction is not doing something that you wish you had done. Let me put it in theological terms. Actions regrets are the result of sins of commission. Inaction regrets are the result of sins of omission.

I think the church has focused on sins of commission long enough. They are easier to identify. But the greatest regrets at the end of our lives won’t be the things we did wrong. It will be not doing the right things—things we could have, should have, and would have done.

Action regrets taste bad, but inaction regrets leave a bitter aftertaste that lasts a lifetime. Inaction regrets haunt us because they leave us asking what if. We are left to wonder how our lives would have been different had we taken the risk or seized the opportunity. What if we had chased the lion instead of running away? Somehow our lives seem incomplete. Failing to take a risk is almost like losing a piece of the jigsaw puzzle to your life. It leaves a gaping hole. When we get to the end of our lives, our greatest regrets will be the missing pieces.

That conviction is backed up by the research of two social psychologists named Tom Gilovich and Vicki Medvec. Their research found that time is a key factor in what we regret. Over the short term, we tend to regret our actions. But over the long haul, we tend to regret inactions. Their study found that over the course of an average week, action regrets outnumber inaction regrets 53% to 47%. But when people look at their lives as a whole, inaction regrets outnumber action regrets 84% to 16%. Don’t put off living another day!